I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
