the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
