Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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