I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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