I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
