We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
