i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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