I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize