i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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