john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
