You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
