my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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