you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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