sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
