So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
