I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
