I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
