ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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