just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
