I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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