I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
