I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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