Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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