i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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