Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
