And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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