It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize