You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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