How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
where does the pee come out of this thing
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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