I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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