he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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