the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
