"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
There was a lot of him and a little penis
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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