im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
