I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
