I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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