My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize