do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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