Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
