I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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