whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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