i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
my poor anus
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My vagina just clenched in fear
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
