What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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