I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
