he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
