Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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