My hand turned me down
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
