By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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