Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
