I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
