mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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