hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have feelings that need drinking.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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