Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
not ubering you a puppy
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
