the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
