I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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