Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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