I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
