Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
