Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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