I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
