Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
