You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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