i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
