don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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