i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Someone shit on the floor
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
