Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
