Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
