Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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