All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
