i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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