The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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