capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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