I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
