I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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