I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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