i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
