I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
