you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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