He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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